In this article, I would like to share with you three sexual body-positive practices that you may not know about.
Body positivity has been a hot subject in the last decade. Most body positivity content has been about the way our bodies look, especially when naked. For me, body positivity is not just skin deep, it goes deeper. Being body positive means taking care of the body, holding its wellness in the highest regard.
Sexual body positivity involves having physical, mental safety and comfort as a priority. It is about knowing what kind of sex is not only physically pleasurable for you but is also kind and nurturing. Being sexually body-positive is about understanding how your sexual body and psyche operate and how to take care of both.
- CHOOSE WORTHY LOVERS
Having high standards when it comes to sexual partners is a vital part of personal sexual hygiene and sexual body positivity.
Have you ever wondered why sex feels effortless and relaxing with one person and not another? That is because you are sleeping with someone compatible with you. You feel accepted for who you are – your body, personality, desires, and even the length of time it takes for you to become aroused and orgasm. There is a sense of comfort when you are naked together.
On the other hand, there are people who, no matter how hard you try, you won’t feel at ease with. Even if the sex seems great and they are sexy, there is an undertone of unease. You’ll find yourself performing during sex, trying hard to impress them, crossing your own boundaries to please them, and ultimately hiding your true self.
When it comes to picking lovers, we have got to be choosy! After all, these people are going to be inside our bodies.
Think of it this way – when you are having sex with someone, you are on a team. And the team scores only if everyone is putting in the effort, both on and off the court.
Therefore, pick a sexual partner who is a team player; who is trustworthy, attentive, conscientious, emotionally available, and who is genuinely interested in your pleasure and wellbeing, in the bedroom as well as outside.
Anyone can sexually want you but not everyone deserves you. If you love your body, why would you allow anyone less than worthy inside it?
2. TRY THE CLITORIS DETOX
When it comes to great sex, concentrating solely on a woman’s clitoris is definitely overrated.
One of the biggest tragedies of modern sex is the mass obsession with genitals and orgasm.
Jumping to stimulate the clitoris immediately as sex begins is like watching a mystery movie and knowing how it ends. When you already know the outcome, the suspense and the buildup lose their juicy power. You find yourself not as engaged in the film, just sitting through it, diddling on your phone, waiting for it to be over. Ever had sex that feels this way? I bet you have.
Did you know that many Tantrikas practice non-clitoral sex, meaning that they consciously make a choice to not stimulate the clitoris during love-making? When we stop stimulating the clitoris–the rest of your body wakes up!
There are two ways to explore this practice for beginners:
- Make an agreement with your lover that neither of you will touch the clitoris for at least the first 45-60 minutes of sex. Explore and pleasure the rest of the body. By delaying clitoral touch, you are able to pay attention to the rest of your body’s pleasure zones.
- Once in a while, engage in clit-free sex. Stimulate your body everywhere except the clitoris. Think of it as a conscious clitoral detox. The more often you’ll practice this type of sex, the more you’ll notice the rest of your body, especially the rest of your vulva/vagina waking up to pleasure.
3. PRACTICE NON-PENETRATIVE SEX
Not all roads lead to Rome, however, most sexual encounters with a (male) lover tend to lead to and end with vaginal penetration.
Having spoken to hundreds of women over the span of my career, one of the main reasons why women often avoid sex with their male partners is due to the lack of pleasure during vaginal penetration. They already know that it won’t be great so why bother even starting?
Over time, sex with a man becomes predictable: first, there is kissing, then he sucks on the neck and breasts, gradually making his way down south.
Since modern sex is often rushed, the majority of women are not anywhere ready to be penetrated, let alone penetrated pleasurably, by the time it happens. Sex turns into stressful work for a woman to “make herself” ready for penetration as fast as possible in order to avoid discomfort. Talk about a libido killer!
A woman can enjoy sex without being penetrated. Therefore, a third body-positive practice I wish to invite you to try is to integrate the practice of non-penetrative sex into your love life. Just imagine how much your body, especially your vagina, will relax knowing that it does NOT have to be penetrated each time sex happens.
There are many ways to enjoy sexual intimacy outside of vaginal intercourse. When a woman isn’t stressing about being penetrated, she is able to be more “in the moment” and enjoy the playfulness of sex with her lover.
Part of my personal sexual coaching involves teaching women to become in tune with their bodies and “know” when their body is ready for penetration and when it is not. This takes time and practice.
My invitation to beginners is to agree ahead of time on whether sex will be penetrative or not.
A couple can create cute code names for penetrative and non-penetrative sex such as “soft sex” versus “deep sex” or “soft play” versus “deep play”.
“Baby, do you want to soft play tonight?” can mean “I want to sexually connect with you tonight without penetration.”
Over the years, I’ve witnessed this practice save marriages. It creates a physical and emotional safety for the woman to enjoy sex without pushing her boundaries too far on the days she just isn’t feeling it.
When sex is truly body-positive, it leaves your body and heart feeling genuinely satisfied and at peace, and it leaves you craving more!
BIO: Elena Rossi is a female libido specialist, author of two books, pelvic trauma-release therapist, and sex toy designer. She holds degrees in Business, Psychology, and Leadership and has created several successful wellness concepts, including slow-pleasure brand Onna Lifestyle, a holistic clinic and cafe in Bali, and her personal coaching brand The Yoni Empire.
Elena’s content reflects her no-bullshit approach to sexual well-being and is followed by thousands of women all over the world. A sensual connoisseur at heart, Elena Rossi inspires and supports women to explore the nourishing power of sexuality infused with purpose and meaning. Find Elena on Instagram @the_yoni_empire or her website www.theyoniempire.com
Elena Rossi, Made Hot Coach