12.9 C
Los Angeles
Sunday, December 10, 2023
Home Blog



It was about 15 years into my marriage.

Hard work, financial effort, child-rearing in central London, the deep gnawing loneliness of late stage capitalism – all of these things meant my marriage to my beloved husband felt empty. We both agreed – we were nothing more than partners steering a ship through the constant storm, both tethered to opposite ends of the boat so we could manage the magnitude of the task at hand. Both crawling into bed at the end of the day so bone deep exhausted that maybe we managed either 10 minutes on social media or a quick mutual hand job before sleep.

Not exactly what you want from your primary partner or what you expected from your life long romance. Nothing like the first flutters of sexual attraction. Or the wide open seas of falling into the bliss of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual love that you experienced in the first few years. 

The truth is, that a lot of couples who coach with me find themselves in the same position. And, due to the fact that the time constraints and pressures of modern partnerships are generally pretty stretched thin, they are always clear about what they want too: 

“How can we bring our pleasure back?”

And what they don’t want: 

“Please don’t ask us to devote ourselves to years of tantric practice, ‘cos, whilst it’s interesting and all, we don’t live up a mountain or in a monastery, and we have maybe 30 minutes a day, tops, for sacred sex.”

They want shortcuts to ecstasy. 

Quick fire ways to bring back the electric.

So here’s a list of the top five most powerful coaching practices I give them. Think of these as like a treasure chest of relationship possibilities, even for the most time-scarce of couples in today’s modern world. Get these right, and your relationship will regain its long lost spark.

 1. Trust and Safety

 We are told that safety is an antidote to pleasure and excitement in a marriage. And it’s true – if familiarity is the only thing we have going down between us – then there will likely not be any other type of going down going on. Ever.

On the other hand, long term couples can find themselves bereft of trust over time. From little discrepancies to big lies. Breaking our word to one another, even in the tiniest of ways, will erode trust eventually. And without trust, it is very difficult for a human nervous system to let go and receive pleasure. 

It’s important to be honest about how you do this with your partner. 

Commonly, we say we will do something and then we don’t do it. This can be as irksome as saying we’ll text and then we don’t, or as relationship shattering as committing to monogamy and then breaking it with a one night stand. The point here is, the trust in your relationship can be shattered overnight, or it can be broken down consistently. This type of relational behavior hurts. And nobody has good sex with someone if their heart feels broken or feeling abandoned.

If you think the trust has eroded in your relationship, or even if abandonment wounds are showing up due to an individual’s wounding, you can help by making an effort to create a promise to one another every day – could be as simple as “I will hang the washing up”. Could be as elaborate as “I am going into a 12 steps programme.” And then make sure you do it. And then make sure you follow up on it. No excuses. Over time, your reliability will allow your partner to trust you enough to allow you the best kind of intimate proximity.

2. Feelgood – don’t strangle the muse. 

Once upon a time you felt delight in one another, and this spread out to feeling delight in life itself.

There are so many things that squash this kind of pleasure out of a relationship. But, take heart. It is really quite simple to bring this kind of feelgood back. We simply need to make sure we don’t forget to occasionally give the “muse” of our partnership some attention.

A great practice – to lead your relationship by its heart’s desires. (One person can lead on this or you can co-lead.) 

Firstly – what even are the heart’s desires of your partnership? Take the time to write them down. You can both write out what you’d like to happen, and most importantly, how you’d like the relationship to feel. Or, you can take on the vantage point of the relationship itself. If you WERE the relationship, what do you want and how would you like to feel on a daily basis?

Once you know what these are, it can be very easy to start to create more of what you want. Think of this exercise like setting the mood. Do you want some romance? Some freedom to breathe? Some physical touch? Sensual pleasures shared? Do you want to connect in an intellectual way and feel challenged and inspired by one another? 

When we know what we want for the relationship, generally speaking ideas about how to create it come forth very easily. And these ideas are often simple. “We vow to spend 5 minutes a day on the sofa without any distraction holding and stroking one another’s faces/hands/bodies etc because we want to FEEL connected beyond words.”

Go ahead and try. Then make it happen. Remember, to go for the feeling before the strategy and to get very clear on this first. Then, even 5 minutes a day will allow the muse to rise and dance between you once more. A relationship in flow is a beautiful thing and sexual longing often arises from this practice.

3. Distance

Counter-intuitive perhaps? 

One of the most well-known and powerful books out there on relationships and keeping the fire alive is Esther PErel’s “Mating in Captivity”. 

In it, she describes how the curation of distance and separation in your long term partnership is one very reliable way to generate turn on and excitement within it.

This bears out in my own experience too. And for many of my clients.

Because codependency is quite natural and, I would argue, even healthy in the right dose. Far too many of us try to “make it alone” and I don’t think that is a good way for a human to live. But when codependence truly sets in? Like the twin flame idea that two people are one half each of the same soul? Ew. I have to admit even the idea of that makes me want to throw up in my mouth just a little bit.

I have a life. I love and adore my husband. But I love him even more when I can spend the occasional weekend alone binge reading the Booker Prize shortlist. Or clothes shopping in London and maybe getting an eyebrow wax. Or… you get my point. When I have my own life, I automatically circle back to closeness with my partner. And we both feel sexier when we live like this.

As I mentioned, my clients often feel the same. I remember one woman in particular who talked about how she went to watch her husband address an audience in his professional capacity. It wasn’t a particularly sexy profession. No great performance necessary. Just the very act of seeing him as a separate entity to her. Up there giving a speech as a completely separate person. Afterwards, they had some of the best sex of their lives.

So give it a try. Let your partner go feral for a couple of days. Go see them as they work. Put your phone down and pay attention – observe them as they fix the car or put the children to bed.

Your moments of distance will add fuel to the coming together.

4. Polarity

Could there be a more widely misunderstood (or more often abused) concept than that of polarity? 

I’ll be honest. I get truly sick of it too. All that “codes to feminine energy” and “standing in masculine power” stuff can make me roll my eyes at the best of times. It’s like – do we WANT to return to the dark ages or create family dynamics along the lines of the Church of the Latter Day Saints? I mean – is that what all this feminism was FOR?!

The truth is though – I write and work within these terms of “Masculine and Feminine” a lot. And the reason is pretty simple. There is nothing, literally nothing, that brings the fire in so intensely, or so immediately, as when my husband and I get the polarity dialed between us.

Perhaps the best way to illustrate this is by describing its opposite for a moment.

Feminine imbalance

Picture the scene – my husband is exhausted after a long day’s work. He gets in, takes a shower and collapses on the bed. 

He’s ready for some loving. 

I am feeling stressed. Like I’m holding everything together and like I haven’t spoken to anyone outside the family except the barista all day. I’ve just fought with my teenager and “banished his phone” for the 5th time that night. I’ve cooked and fed everyone. I have an article to write but it’s 8pm already. I catch a couple of cameo videos on Facebook of people addicted to Oxycontin in Arizona and I cry ‘cos that’s somebody’s kiddo out there. Then I too collapse on the bed. 

I am ready for some loving.

My point is – who takes the reins from this place? Who puts the attention on the other first? Who decides to lead?

We understand that the feminine loves to receive. But in our hyper-masculinised world, often couples come together so exhausted that they both want to let go and surrender to the loving strokes of the other with equal fervor. And I see this all the time in couple clients too. It is extremely common to end up fighting about who gets to stand in the feminine/receptive pole first.

My point is – if we both stand there together? What happens? Generally speaking we both fall asleep. There is literally no electricity generated.  It’s like the couple I coached who’s husband frequently fell asleep as soon as he mounted her. Nobody was taking control of the moment. And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE MOMENT.

Masculine imbalance

The same is true the other way round (though typically I don’t come across this as often, I’ll admit.) 

When both partners want to be in the driving seat? When both want to lead the experience? Well we’re not having fun in this dynamic are we? It’s like both partners are looking around for the point of entry. And neither gets to let go into the experience. 

Not fun.

Polarity Dialled

When the polarity is “just right” between my husband and I though? It is literal fire. And also, a great thing for two busy working parents, it is easy and quick fire. 

I remember the first time we tried a polarity exercise from one of my trainings. The recording asked the feminine partner to go into feeling and movement only. To tune into sounds and to expressing delight. To showing that delight through the body. Luckily for me (yay!) I got to be the feminine partner that time. I set about showing my husband how I felt about him through my body alone – sound, breath, movement. The classic tantric pillars.

 The effect was powerful.

It inspired my husband to find the masculine pole straight away. There was something about the love and sheer beauty of my feminine expression in that moment, that drew out his power, his attention, his confidence, his energy. 

He proceeded to take me like a God in human form.

“Fucking hell.” 

We both said, afterwards, in unison.

“Not had sex like that since we were 17.”

Praise the Lord.  

Thanking the angels. 

Highly recommended – get your polarity game strong.

5. Ongoing Sexual Practice

I have often said to clients this one  thing – that when my husband of 25 years and I share a sex practice, then we are basically having sex. And if we do not share a sex practice – then we are basically not having much sex.

This is a truth not many people want to hear, because it sounds like work. But it is true nevertheless.

One of the reasons for this is that the more we actually use our genitals and fire up our physical sex hormones, the more they will fire up of their own accord. So there’s nothing like having sex regularly to ensure that you continue wanting to have sex regularly. We literally turn on our physiology by spending some time every day in these kinds of practices.

One of the joys of having a whole bag of sex practices up my sleeve, is that I get to teach people what works in this arena. And believe me it works. I recently heard from a client, post-menopausal, whose sex life was really nonexistent. The amazing thing is, she didn’t even bring her partner in to coach with me. She simply got herself a self-pleasure practice and went really deep with it over several months. And the result was that she was able to let me know that her and her husband ended up having such incredible sex as a result of this, that they ended up staying overnight at a house party and she struggled not to scream the place down when they retired to their room for the night.  

This was so moving and so incredible to me.

 Because, the truth is that there is a lot wrong with our world right now. 

There is so much pain and disenfranchisement. Relationships are expected to thrive within circumstances that are so innately unconducive to their thriving. Debt. Work loss. Wars. Pandemics. Mental health issues. All of it. 

So to think that we can, in a few simple ways like I outline above, take our sex from zero to hero. From nothing to sex so loud it would offend polite society. In our 60s? 

It gives me hope in humanity, it really does.

We are born wild. May we be wild and hungry remain.


Julia is a trauma-informed coach for men, women and couples who want to harness their sexual power and improve their relationships. She’s an expert in all things sex, orgasms and relationships, helping men and women embrace a more profound capacity for pleasure. Julia views life as innately erotic and believes that your outlook on sex has the potential to open your mind. Through her expert teachings, you will learn how to surrender and tap into your wildest and deepest being in order to live a more fulfilling life inside (and outside) of the bedroom.

SUPER POWER: Being a sex magician by helping you identify, source, and reclaim your life through the power of thriving sexuality & sensuality.

Website: http://www.madehot.com/

Social Links: https://instagram.com/thejulialally

Trust The Power Of Intuition


Have you ever had a gut feeling or inner voice that guided you in your decision-making process? That’s your intuition at work! As women, we often undervalue this powerful tool, but by tapping into our intuition, we can achieve great success in our personal and professional lives.

So, what exactly is intuition? It’s not some mysterious ability that only a few possess. In fact, intuition is the result of our brain processing and synthesizing vast amounts of information beyond our conscious awareness. It’s the reason we often feel a “gut feeling” or “inner voice” when making decisions.

In today’s fast-paced world, where we are constantly bombarded with information and faced with numerous decisions, the ability to make quick and accurate choices is essential. By trusting our intuition, we can tap into our inner guidance system and make decisions that align with our values and goals.

Developing Intuition

One way to develop intuition is through mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness helps us tune out external distractions and focus on our inner voice, making it easier to make decisions based on our instincts and gut feelings, rather than being swayed by external pressures or societal norms.

When it comes to career decisions, women often feel pressure to conform to traditional roles, such as teaching or nursing. However, by trusting our intuition, we can pursue careers that align with our passions and strengths, rather than being limited by societal norms. Using our intuition can also help us navigate difficult situations, such as negotiating a salary or dealing with a challenging boss. By reading between the lines and picking up on subtle cues, women who trust their intuition can navigate these situations more effectively.

Of course, intuition isn’t a substitute for critical thinking or rational decisionmaking. It’s important to balance intuition with logic and reason to make the best decisions possible.

Use It Wisely

Many successful women credit their intuition for leading them down the right path. Oprah Winfrey, for example, has spoken about how she has used her intuition to make decisions throughout her career. She once said, “I’ve trusted the still, small voice of intuition my entire life. And the only time I’ve made mistakes is when I didn’t listen.”

Another way to develop intuition is by paying attention to our physical sensations. When we are faced with a decision, our bodies often give us physical cues that can help guide us. For example, we may feel a sense of tightness in our chest or a knot in our stomach when something doesn’t feel right. Conversely, we may feel a sense of lightness or ease when we are making a decision that aligns with our values and goals.

It’s also important to acknowledge that intuition can be influenced by our emotions and biases. For example, we may be more likely to trust our intuition when we are feeling confident or optimistic, and less likely to trust it when we are feeling anxious or insecure. It’s important to be aware of these biases and to approach decision-making with a clear and open mind.

In addition to mindfulness, there are other practices that can help women develop their intuition. Meditation, journaling, and creative pursuits such as painting or writing can all help us tap into our inner voice and develop a deeper understanding of ourselves.

When it comes to using intuition in the workplace, it’s important to remember that it can be a valuable asset, but it’s not a substitute for hard work and perseverance. Women who have achieved great success through intuition have also put in the time and effort to hone their skills and develop their knowledge.

Intuition is a powerful tool that women can use to achieve success in all areas of their lives. By developing our intuition and learning to trust our inner voice, we can make better decisions, pursue our passions, and navigate challenging situations more effectively. It’s time to embrace our intuition and let it guide us on the path to success!


Intuition: What is it?

THE word “intuition” comes from the Latin word “intuitio,” which means “looking at, considering, or contemplating.” The term was first used in the English language in the late 16th century and originally referred to a type of direct perception or insight that was thought to be a gift from the divine.

The concept of intuition has been studied and discussed in various cultures and philosophical traditions throughout history. For example, in ancient Greece, the philosopher Plato wrote about the concept of “anamnesis”, which refers to the idea that knowledge is innate and that we can access it through introspection and contemplation.

In Eastern philosophy, the concept of intuition is often associated with mindfulness and meditation practices. In Hinduism and Buddhism, for example, intuition is seen as a means of accessing deeper levels of consciousness and understanding.

Today, the concept of intuition is widely used and studied in fields such as psychology, neuroscience, and business. Research has shown that intuition is related to our unconscious mind and is often driven by our past experiences and knowledge. Our brain processes information and makes connections subconsciously, and intuition is thought to be a result of this process. In other words, our intuition is based on patterns that our brain has learned over time, and it’s able to recognize those patterns even when we aren’t consciously aware of them.

Studies have also shown that intuition is closely linked to our emotions. Our emotions can influence our intuition by shaping the way we perceive and interpret information. For example, if we are feeling anxious

or stressed, we may be more likely to interpret a situation negatively and trust our intuition that something is wrong, even if the evidence suggests otherwise.

Additionally, research has shown that people who are more in tune with their emotions and more self-aware tend to have stronger intuition. This is likely because they are more attuned to their own internal signals and more able to recognize when their intuition is guiding them.

While there is still much that we don’t fully understand about intuition, the science suggests that it is a real and powerful phenomenon. By paying attention to our physical sensations, our emotions, and our past experiences, we can learn to develop and trust our intuition, which ultimately helps us make better decisions to achieve greater success.

These women celebrated their intuition in business…

Sara Blakely

Sara Blakely is the founder of Spanx, a wildly successful shapewear company. Blakely has spoken publicly about how she used her intuition to develop the Spanx product. She noticed that there was a gap in the market for comfortable and flattering shapewear and trusted her gut feeling that there was a demand for such a product. She launched Spanx with a small initial investment and went on to build a multi-billion dollar company.

Arianna Huffington

Arianna Huffington is the founder of the Huffington Post, the popular online news site. Huffington has spoken about how she used her intuition to pivot the focus of the Huffington Post from a celebrity-focused blog to a news site that covered politics and current events. She trusted her intuition that there was a demand for a more substantive news source and made the shift, which ultimately led to the site’s success.

Sheryl Sandberg

Sheryl Sandberg is the COO of Facebook and author of the best-selling book, “Lean In.” Sandberg has spoken about how she uses her intuition to make decisions in the workplace. She believes that women often undervalue their intuition and should trust their instincts when making tough decisions. Sandberg has also spoken about how she used her intuition to identify the potential of Facebook when she first met Mark Zuckerberg.

Blending To Make A Better Now


Sababay Winery was established with a visionary mission to uplift the livelihoods of Bali’s farmers by blending culinary excellence with locally-crafted wines.

AS the official wine partner of the Indonesian government’s ‘Wonderful Indonesia’ initiative, Sababay Winery has recently expanded its horizons, embracing a newfound passion for distinctive experiences that harmonize exceptional wines, gourmet regional delicacies, and rich cultural immersion. This exciting addition of wine tourism to Bali’s repertoire is characterized by a steadfast commitment to authenticity, unwavering quality standards, and inventive creativity.

Nestled along the picturesque ‘Saba’ Bay in Gianyar, Bali, Sababay Winery’s dedicated team curates meticulously crafted guided tours, brimming with fervor, to shine a spotlight on Bali’s remarkable creative economic offerings, spanning from luscious grapes to exquisite wines.

Forging Partnerships for Triumph

The brainchild behind Sababay Winery, Mdm Mulyati Gozali, embarked on this remarkable journey after decades of navigating the realms of management and finance. She stands as the sturdy pillar of this brand. In 2010, when she bore witness to the trials faced by grape growers in northern Bali, it ignited her resolve to join hands with these farmers and transform grapes into the most value-added product—the fine art of winemaking.

Sababay Winery has been blessed with the expertise of the immensely talented French winemaker, Guillaume Queron. Hailing from a lineage of winemakers in Bordeaux, Guillaume has crafted extraordinary wines for Chateau Villa Mongiron and earned distinction as a top pupil under the legendary Jean-Luc Thunevin, the pioneer of the garage wine movement in Bordeaux.

Together, the Sababay team embarks on an ambitious journey, exploring the prospect of marrying the world’s finest grape varieties from France and Italy with the diverse terroirs of Indonesia, allowing New Latitude wines to flourish amidst the tropical embrace of the equatorial line.

Sowing the Seeds of Innovation

“Sababay Winery recognized the paramount importance of innovation and adaptation to the ever-evolving global trends, all while steadfastly adhering

to our guiding motto, ‘New Latitude, New Attitude,’” remarked Evy Gozali, Sababay’s Co-founder and CEO. This dynamic mother-daughter duo places immense faith in stimulating job creation within the tourism sector by delivering premium local products. Their vision is rooted in sowing the seeds of knowledge through education and empowering individuals with technology, enabling them to reap the bountiful rewards that Indonesia holds.

Elevating the Standards

Embarking on a journey to acquaint oneself with Sababay Wines and their recently acclaimed spirit collection, SABA, is an absolute must for enthusiasts of fine wines and spirits. The Winery and Distillery Tours offer delightful experiences in the company of kindred souls who share a passion for exceptional libations.

Sababay proudly presents the first-ever winery tour in Bali, an opportunity for the public to immerse themselves in the splendor of Sababay’s natural offerings. This original and authentic experience presents an enjoyable education in wine appreciation and pairing, inviting participants to savor the nuances of locally crafted New Latitude Wines.

The captivating odyssey commences with an authentic tour designed to evoke curiosity and expand wine knowledge in a relaxed and comfortable setting. Guests gain insight into the winemaking process from inception to completion, culminating in a delightful wine-tasting session, followed by relaxation in the serene garden surroundings.

Join and Discover

Crafted with pride in Indonesia, Sababay consistently demonstrates its dedication to producing international-grade wines and spirits that are accessible to all. Simultaneously, the brand remains committed to giving back to the local community and region.

Tel: +62 361 949099 / +62 813 53219858

IG: @sababaywinery @sababay.distillery

www.sababaywinery.com visit@sababaywinery.com


The T Lady: A Natural Remedy To Weight Loss & Detox


Who says tea can’t be extraordinary? 

Whilst tea is a part of everyday life—a staple for people who want a caffeine hit but don’t enjoy coffee’s bitter bite—it’s easy to overlook the beauty contained in a single cup. 

To Elissa Scott, a ‘cuppa’ represents so much more than a warming drink. 

The Beauty of Simple, Natural Ingredients

Elissa Scott, The T Lady, owns a leading company that specializes in making herbal tea for women going through menopause. 

“As I personally approach my next stage of life, I wanted to look into natural alternatives for the relief of menopausal symptoms,” she said in an interview. 

Scott’s Menopause Tea is brewed from nature itself. In a chemical-infused world, Scott believes in standing out by using only natural ingredients that boost women’s immunity and assist them cope with the many struggles that come during menopause. 

Research shows that about 75% of women suffer from hot flashes, weight gain, mood swings, and sleeplessness during menopause. And for centuries, natural alternatives to medicine have been promoted as a safer way to manage menopausal symptoms. In fact, a lower rate of women experience hot flashes in Japan. Studies show that this is likely due to the fact that the older Japanese community consumes a healthy diet. 

Managing menopause, or anything health-related, takes time to master. It takes effort and consistency. However, going down this road, armed with natural solutions, is one of the best ways to tackle the multitude of issues menopause brings. 

“Chinese medicine has been around for centuries. Adam and Eve sat next to an apple tree, not a chemist shop! Everything we need is in the earth.”

In one cup of tea, The T Lady assures, women are able to get what they need to manage weight gain, sleeping better throughout the whole night and detoxing. In essence, it’s a warm embrace for those who struggle with their health. 

The Tea that Empowers Women

Sure, The T Lady’s Menopause Tea is organic. It’s healthy. It’s caffeine-free. It’s a remedy that assists women in managing menopausal symptoms like hot flushes, sleepless nights, and joint pain. It has been given to teenagers to reduce period cramps. But, perhaps more importantly, the Menopause Tea was invented and brewed to empower women.

“The beauty of the Menopause Tea is it’s a community affair. The tea maker and the tea packers are women who have survived domestic violence.”

If there’s anyone who knows how difficult the road can be for women, it’s Elissa Scott. Having gone through a difficult life herself, she prioritizes the wellbeing of women everywhere. Her natural inclination towards aiding the community shines through The T Lady’s Menopause Tea. 

“We’ve got women who were previously homeless, working within our business,” explained Scott. “I’ll share this with you: a homeless lady rang me up, and she said that she needed some money. And I said to her: ‘Alright, would you like to earn money by making some sales calls?’ I texted her a list of my shops and she sat in the gutter and called my contacts to see if they needed another order of tea..”

Scott also tries to take care of the Earth—the very source of her wonderful tea. 

“I like hand making the tea bags. My tea bags are made of cornstarch. There’s no plastic; they’re biodegradable.”

Menopausal Tea Removes the Stigma of being Middle-Aged 

So, if you’ve never really thought about the kind of tea you’re drinking, you might wonder: 

Why care about The T Lady’s Menopause Tea?

It’s simple. It’s because Elissa Scott cares so much about her tea combination. And that’s a big reason why it’s so special: because it means something. Not just to her, but to her clients as well. The T Lady caters to women who simply want to feel in control of their lives again. They want to be healthier—to feel healthier. 

“We’re going to be the number one natural alternative in a chemically-driven world. I know in my heart, I have created a miracle tea. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Women give me feedback,” Scott said proudly in an interview. 

There’s a heavy stigma clouding over menopause. It’s not talked about often enough. Women aren’t educated on how to approach this stage of life, and often, people expect menopausal women to simply ‘power through’ their symptoms. 

The truth is, women should be seen in their struggles. A Harvard Health Publishing article reported that the body undergoes very extreme hormonal changes during menopause. 

Women are at risk of anxiety and depression, leading to suicide in some reported cases. They may even be deprived of sufficient sleep during this period. And the problem is that the world isn’t doing enough to recognize this need in menopausal women: the need to be understood. 

Elissa Scott knows that women everywhere long to be heard. Women want to know they aren’t alone. 

The T Lady aims to do just that, one cup of tea at a time.

Unleashing Your Inner Power: The Transformative Journey of Sharing Your Story in a Book


Every one of us carries a unique and powerful story waiting to be told. Our lives are filled with experiences, challenges, triumphs, and lessons that shape who we are. While some choose to keep their stories locked away, others find the courage to share them. Writing a book about your experiences can be an incredibly empowering and transformative experience. Tarryn Reeves, CEO and founder of Automatic Authority Press & Publishing House explores why sharing your story in a book can be a powerful tool for personal empowerment and growth.

“Many people dream of writing a book, but few actually do it, and even fewer get their written work published,” says Reeves. “I have always loved books but never thought I could write one. Yet here we are. At the age of thirty-five, I have written six books and in multiple publications and have worked with entrepreneurs across the globe to publish over 32 books and 400+ stories with more being birthed each week. These stories start with a dream or a vision and, often, self-doubt by the bucketful. It takes courage to put yourself out there and be vulnerable, to put parts of your innermost thoughts in print, but what I can promise you is this: the transformation and expansion that one receives during the process, not only in one’s personal life but also in business, cannot be underestimated.”

Here are a few reasons why writing and publishing a book may be the fastest way to elevate your self-belief, empower yourself beyond your wildest imagination and grow your business at the same time:

  1. Self-Reflection and Healing

The process of writing a book forces you to dig deep into your own experiences and emotions. As you reflect on your life’s journey and experiences, you may uncover hidden wounds, unresolved issues, and unexplored passions. This process of self-reflection can be cathartic and healing. By confronting your past and understanding your own narrative, you can begin to make sense of your life and find closure for past traumas.

  1. Connection with Others

When you share your story in a book, you open a window into your world for others to peer into. Your experiences and challenges can resonate with readers who have faced similar trials and tribulations. This connection creates a sense of community and belonging, reminding us that we are not alone in our struggles. Your story can inspire others to share their own, fostering empathy and understanding among people from diverse backgrounds. It may also change someone’s life as they learn from your wisdom and your mistakes.

  1. Empowerment through Vulnerability

Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness, but it is a profound source of strength. By baring your soul and sharing your vulnerabilities in your book, you demonstrate courage and authenticity. This can empower you to embrace your imperfections and inspire others to do the same. When readers see you as a relatable and imperfect human being, they are more likely to connect with your story on a deeper level. That’s all any of us are really looking for – truth, meaning, inspiration and the understanding that we are not alone.

  1. Personal Growth and Resilience

The process of writing a book is no small feat. It requires discipline, determination, and perseverance. Through this journey, you develop valuable skills such as organization, time management, and effective communication. These skills not only help you complete your book but also translate into other areas of your life, promoting personal growth and resilience.

  1. Leaving a Legacy

Your story is a legacy that can outlive you, inspiring future generations. Whether it’s your children, grandchildren, or those travelling a path similar to yours, sharing your story can provide valuable insights and wisdom to those who come after you. It can be a source of inspiration and guidance, reminding them that challenges can be overcome, and dreams can be pursued.

  1. Empowering Others

One of the most powerful aspects of sharing your story in a book is the impact it can have on others. Your experiences, triumphs, and lessons can serve as a roadmap for those facing similar obstacles. You become a beacon of hope and a source of guidance, offering practical advice and emotional support to others on their own journeys.

“There is just something about the journey of writing a book that is honestly, just magical. There’s no other way to describe it,” shares Reeves. “You don’t need to be an expert, have all the degrees, or even be any good at writing! You just need to have an idea and the willingness to begin.”

So, if you’ve ever considered putting pen to paper and sharing your story with the world, remember that your story has the potential to change lives, including your own. In doing so, you become a testament to the incredible power of the human spirit and the boundless capacity for growth and transformation. Embrace your story, write your book, and let your journey inspire and empower others.

The Life Of An Influencer Explained


Many people dream of the luxury lifestyle of an influencer but not is all as shiny as it may seem. Marjet Van Wijk, known by many as Jet, the CEO and Founder of Laptop Lifestyle Master Program, successfully became a travel influencer and began traveling the world, living the life she had dreamed of for herself. But the more time she spent in the influencer space Jet realized that there is a deeply dark side to the industry and how much damage it can have on a person.

As we journey through her experiences, we uncover the story of a woman who has transitioned from the glitzy world of travel influencing to a passionate advocate for empowerment, authenticity, and self-discovery.

Empowering Dreams Through Travel Influencing

Jet dreamt of a life that allowed her to explore the world, work with tourism boards, hotels, and airlines, and share her adventures with her audience. However, as her career in the space developed, she discovered the challenges and complexities of the influencer world.

“When I started to realize that I had stopped posting what I liked and started posting what got the most likes instead of what I enjoyed, that was a real turning point for me,” Jet reflects. This is a common struggle among influencers who often find themselves altering their content to cater to their audience’s preferences.

The influencer lifestyle, often perceived as glamorous, can have a darker side. Jet discovered that in the pursuit of likes and attention on social media one can end up totally disconnected from the authentic self. It can cause individuals to create a fake life, prioritizing validation from others over personal happiness.

The Neuroscience Behind Social Media Validation

Being an advocate for understanding the why behind behavior, Jet dove deep into research. She realized the damaging and addictive effect that social media was having on her, she dove deep into exploring the neuroscience behind social media validation and why likes and followers can become so addictive.

“When we receive positive feedback in the form of likes or follows, our brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This addiction to validation can lead to emotional highs and lows, impacting mental health,” Jet explains. “The opposite is also true. Sometimes you post something, and it doesn’t get likes, and it makes you feel less worthy of yourself as if somehow, you are not good enough.”

The quest for validation on social media can contribute to increased rates of depression and even suicide.

The Pitfalls of the Comparison Game

Jet also realized the detrimental effects of the comparison game, which plagues social media platforms, “People often compare themselves to edited and filtered images, leading to unrealistic beauty standards. Young individuals, in particular, struggle to differentiate between reality and the carefully curated content they see online, leading to feelings of inadequacy. This constant comparison can be detrimental to mental health, making individuals feel like they need to change

themselves to fit an unrealistic mold. It can also drive a culture of materialism, where people constantly crave what others have.”

The Transition from Influencer to Digital Marketer

Jet’s journey took a significant turn when she decided to leave the influencer world behind. The pivotal moment came when she realized she was no longer being true to herself and was posting content solely for validation. She transitioned into offering marketing services to businesses, leveraging the digital skills she had acquired during her influencer years.

Jet’s journey into the world of digital marketing was not without its challenges. She had to overcome the ego associated with her influencer persona and rebrand herself as a marketing freelancer. The transition was marked by growth and personal development.

Empowerment Through Coaching Other Freelancers

Today, Jet empowers others through her coaching program, the Laptop Lifestyle Master Program. She helps individuals achieve location and time freedom by imparting valuable freelancing skills. While her program is open to all, she has predominantly attracted women who resonate with her message of empowerment and self-discovery.

Her coaching program combines self-paced courses with group workshops and coaching calls to provide a comprehensive learning experience. Jet emphasizes the importance of coaching, helping her clients navigate the challenges of freelancing and entrepreneurship.

A Message of Empowerment and Authenticity

As we wrap up our conversation, Jet leaves us with a powerful message. She cautions against chasing after the influencer dream and sacrificing mental health and authenticity for likes and followers. She encourages everyone to explore alternative paths to achieving a lifestyle of freedom and fulfillment.

“There are so many other ways to gain time and location freedom,” she exclaims.

Jet also highlights the dangers associated with platforms like OnlyFans, shedding light on how they can inadvertently contribute to harm and unrealistic ideals. She questions whether this is truly a form of feminism or if it perpetuates harmful stereotypes.

Jet’s journey is a testament to the power of self-discovery and empowerment. Her transition from influencer to digital marketer and laptop lifestyle coach serves as an inspiring example of finding authenticity and purpose beyond the confines of social media validation.

Finding That Work Life Balance We All Crave


IN a world that seems to have come so far in such a short span of time, our women are still suffering. Let’s face it, hard work is exactly that – hard work. Striving to make it in a competitive world, it can be difficult for women to find time to flourish. The lack of a work-play balance, as well as the isolating individualist culture that seems infused into the idea of “success” in the current climate seems to be leaving women alone, sequestered in their homes under a pile of “ToDo”’s and extreme this-or-that internet-borne ideals; recent labels like “THAT GIRL” and The Girlboss all spring to mind, each pedaling new and higher requirements than the last. In the thick of it, it may seem to women that they don’t have space to exist as themselves, and the pressure to keep it all Instagrammable and aesthetic seems to make it worse. The concept of balance and moderation is difficult to come by both online and in real life for women, and mental illness is skyrocketing as a result.

So how should women rebuild their connection to themselves?

A recent movement online seems, ironically, to be encouraging women to take time off of social media. The concept of the Dopamine Detox is not new, but its main reach has, until now, been towards phone-addicted young adults rather than working women. The concept is simple; since social media is designed to evoke such a high amount of serotonin in order to keep you scrolling, to take time off would allow your overstimulated, overtired dopamine receptors to recover. Men and women alike have reported feeling more mindful, grounded and connected to their surroundings since participating in the movement, and the trend is rapidly gaining traction online. Perhaps it’s something to look into.

The unattainable work-life balance

Working from home, although beautiful in its flexibility, seems to have encouraged workplaces to disregard what was previously considered polite work-home boundaries. Your phone is always in your hand; why not answer the work call? The danger there, as many surely know, is the slow and painful death of free time.

Nature and nurture

Mental illness can be genetic as well as environmental – it’s multi-faceted, and no one solution will work for everyone. Therefore, a rounded approach should be used to combat such a complex problem; seeking professional counseling as well as conscious life changes to improve the quality of your day-to-day life. No woman on earth is as straightforward and simple as we’d like ourselves to be, and it’s only right that we invest in ourselves the regard that we’d treat others with. Being “high maintenance” isn’t exactly a crime, right?

The death of the third place

With the emergence of suburbia and a general lack of the walkable communities that so many grew up with, the concept of a “Third place” –somewhere that isn’t home (the First place) or work (the Second place) where you can spend your time unwinding – has dwindled. Kids have plenty; playgrounds, malls, and peers’ houses come to mind, but adult playgrounds are, despairingly, not quite as popular.

The third place is one that builds community, fostering connection and optimism, usually a public setting that hosts frequent gatherings. Your gym, library, or local cafe could, essentially, function as a third place. It may work to help the arduous crusade of meeting new people within a hectic life, as well as finding a new hobby and a community.

The burnout

The all-too-familiar pattern of hammering away for weeks on end for a seemingly fleeting weekend or vacation is not a particularly fulfilling one for most; the fuse does, eventually, have an end. Finding a healthy work-life balance and a routine that doesn’t cause major burnout is particularly challenging for women when they have more on their plate than work and sleep, as they usually do.

Erratic new year’s resolutions and sudden, shocking diets are usually thrown into the mix – they never last though, do they? The key to avoiding burnout, however, is consistency and to know oneself. Instead of committing to going to the gym every morning at 5AM, try a guided class twice a week – it’s likely to end up being more consistent – and who knows, maybe you’ll find your third place.

“Mental illness can be genetic as well as environmental – it’s multi-faceted, and no one solution will work for everyone.”

Learning How To Float


EVERYONE experiences moments of internal struggle – be it anxiety, self-doubt, depression, excess stress, or other mental health challenges. When going through these rough patches it can feel like sinking beneath the surface or struggling to stay afloat.

I often find myself submerging under the rough waters of my problems, and letting myself get pulled into a whirlpool of internal chaos. It is effortless to allow myself to sink into anxiety and become submerged by the stress. Since becoming more aware of myself I’ve realized that when life presents these challenges we get to make a decision whether we want to sink, fight, or float.

It’s easy to stay afloat when the water is calm but the real challenge comes from learning to keep tranquil when life puts new waves in the way. Floating in the situations of rough water is about finding balance within your mind and allowing yourself to rise above struggles, while still acknowledging their presence. Instead of ignoring the things in your life that cause worry or distress, just like the feeling of sinking in rough water, you can learn to manage these emotions more effectively, like calming yourself and your breath so you can begin to float above the surface once again.

When learning how to float you can adopt different techniques and tools to flow with life’s challenges. Think of these techniques like your life vests and practices you can implement into your day to find calm in the sea. This could include mindfulness practices, self-care, creating art, journaling your thoughts, setting boundaries, and practicing positive self-talk. Though they may sound simple, implementing small things like this can move your energy into a better and less draining direction.

When I begin to feel these waves and relapses of anxiety I find myself needing time alone and use this time to refocus my energy on creativity, giving me space to find calm when I would usually dwell on my thoughts. Maintaining these practices and tools of mindfulness when encountering a new wave may initially feel challenging. However, when confronted with the choice of sinking, struggling, or staying afloat, remembering to refocus your energy and anchor yourself to your life vest becomes crucial to float past the wave.

Embracing the current rather than battling it can save you from sinking. As a surfer, one of the first things you learn is how to stay calm when getting hit by a wave. While surfing, you’re bound to fall off your board and be tossed around

underwater. Instinctively, you might want to struggle against it, but you soon realize that resisting and trying to swim frantically only makes you sink faster. In such a high-stress situation, the best approach is to calm your mind and let the wave carry you, before going to take a breath again. This applies to managing your emotions too. Imagine stress as a wave crashing over you; the more you fight it, the deeper you’ll sink.

Even when you have found ways to float better, life can still get pretty rough. These could be brought on by major life changes, unexpected events, or relapses in mental health. It’s important to recognize that floating doesn’t mean avoiding challenges, but rather facing them with resilience and adaptability. Even when these challenges may arise you can adapt to the waves by relying on your life vest. These problems will just become another wave that will pass you by.

The journey of learning to float is ongoing and takes time to integrate into your life. However, your personal growth journey and the lessons you learn about yourself are far more important than any final destination. Consider what in your life causes stress and ask yourself: Is this where I want to invest my energy? Does this weigh me down or lift me up? Is it worth the struggle? With simple questions like these, it becomes easier to identify what you need to release or how you may need to adjust in your response to the stress. Decide whether you’d rather channel your energy into fighting the current or riding the wave.

In the unpredictable seas of life, we all face moments of turmoil and turbulence. These challenges, like the crashing waves, can seem overwhelming, and it’s natural to feel like we’re sinking. However, our response to these challenges is a choice we can all make. Learning to float amidst the rough waters of our problems is a skill that requires practice, but it’s a skill that can be honed. By adopting mindfulness tools and practices as our life vests, we can navigate these challenges with greater resilience and clarity. Embracing the current rather than battling it allows us to conserve our energy and stay afloat. Remember, even when the waves are relentless, the journey of personal growth is the true destination. So, the next time you feel the undertow of stress, ask yourself where you want to invest your energy and whether it’s worth the struggle. Choose to float, adapt, and grow, for in doing so, you’ll find the strength to weather any storm that life may bring.

What lies below the concrete surface by Hanalei Swan


Sometimes, I forget how it all began. I think back to the moment when I could feel the wind flowing through my hair, and all I could hear was laughter in the air. Beams of sun danced on my skin as I danced with my feet in the sea, completely carefree. Sand scattered across my face like a painting from the ocean. I found my heart buried in the sand; on the beach, I was fully me, like raw light, undisturbed by the pressures of life. I never thought anything would change, this infinite love for the world around me and for myself.

Now, I often forget that little kid is still inside of me.

As you grow up, you realize the world is growing faster than you. Things that once seemed small when you were young suddenly become skyscrapers looming over you. The pressure from the sky pushes down on you like bricks, becoming heavier and heavier the longer time ticks. . When I finally opened my eyes and looked up to the sky, I realized how small I actually was.

One of the first times I felt small was under stage lights. The moment my breath became short, and my voice became grand, bouncing off the walls and into the crowd of hundreds of people all waiting to hear what I had planned. Illuminated underneath a microscope, the pressure set in.  I could only wonder if I was doing enough for these people to be proud of me. I could only imagine what they thought of me. Who is this girl barely thirteen, telling me what to think? Look at the way she walks, look at the way she talks. I bet she can’t even come up with a coherent thought. I could only imagine what they thought of me.

As my years passed, these towns populated by the problems within my mind grew into cities. If you ever want to feel small, go to a city. While you’re there, walking down the neverending streets, you’ll wonder if you really matter in the grand scheme of things. If you were to leave this place would that change a thing or would life continue on never to  rememberyour name? It probably would never remember my name. These thoughts corrupted my brain. Will I ever be enough? do enough? feel enough? Enough. Enough. Enough. Shame settled all over me like the dust from a construction site, making its home in the cracks and creases of my skin as these skyscrapers of worry continued to rise from my mind. Each floor built with self-doubt and missed opportunities, overshadowing the vibrant landscape of my younger self, turning my aspirations into mere foundations for what could have been. I could no longer stand the person I was within.

I need a disclaimer plastered on my body for anyone who may dare talk to me, telling them not to worry because I hated myself as much as they probably hated me. I’ll tell them all the lies they thought about me are probably true, and I’ll wear their lies with pride because I have begun to believe they are real. You don’t know how desperately I want to change the person I am within and swap into someone else’s skin. It’s easy to fall into this trap of losing yourself when you believe the whole world wants you to be someone else.

I forget that little kid who found light in the darkest of places and painted with the ever-changing hues of the sunset is still within me, buried underneath towers and the concrete rubble of lies I told myself, saying I would never be enough, like a bird in a cage trapped without a key, waiting to be let free. She is still there, but over time her voice has become bare as I have learned to ignore the tendency to listen, to put my ear up to the door of the cage. I had begun to silence the want to be free. 

 Like a solitary star fading into twilight, Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to grasp that fading light before it slipped beyond the horizon, where memories and possibilities intertwine like constellations in the night sky. 

If I could, I would look that little girl in the eye and show her all the things she could never see, help her remember all the lessons she lost, lift her up, and show her that the sky isn’t so scary.

 I’d tell her to never be afraid to cry. Let the tears that pour from your eyes soak into your skin and release the emotions you’ve held within.

 I’d tell her to release the pressure. You place bricks of worry on top of your body, building your towers taller and taller, crushing you smaller and smaller until you feel like nobody.

 I’d reassure her that you are somebody. And no matter the pressure you may feel from the world around you, you still matter.

 You are here not to die, not to just stay alive, but to truly live. Promise me that you will truly live.

If I could see my younger self again, I would sit her down and tell her I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all the time I spent thinking I wasn’t good enough. 

I’m sorry for all the hopeless nights dwelling over the things I could never do right. 

I am sorry for pushing you to the side and leaving you to dry, like a flower starved of light. I watched you slowly begin to wilt away, and I never did anything about it because I found comfort in the falling of your petals and my newfound solitude. But as the seasons changed, your petals still did not bloom, and I realized how empty I was without you. Because you were the light in my eyes that always managed to find the simple beauties held within life. Watching the delicate beams of sunlight filtering through tree leaves. The feeling of sand slipping through your hands. The ways the dust dances under the light, like glitter thrown into the sky. No matter how faint, I can still see through your eyes. I would remind you that the stars in the sky are not as far as they seem, these buildings around you are so much smaller than you believe them to be. You are so much bigger than you know. Let your roots grow through the concrete, in between the little cracks of the streets, and deep into the soil beneath you. Watch as those cities begin to dissipate as your roots spread, and the love for yourself begins to regrow again.

 Those buildings with bricks made of the worries you gave yourself and the problems you’ve collected that you’ve held on to so dearly are not structurally sound, remember who you really are and knock those buildings down.

Sisyphus Is A Working Woman


The Greek God Sisyphus was famously punished to push a boulder up a hill every day, only to have it fall to earth at the end of it. He should have been a woman, writes Nico Simmonds.

NO woman needs the concept of invisible labour explained to her. The pressure of choosing between motherhood and a career, the lack of appreciation for stay-at-home parents, the burden of sexual harassment, the onset of postpartum depression, the expectation to be a primary caregiver for children and adults alike; it’s a familiar yet frustrating pattern which never seems to end. For women in the workforce (and, let’s face it, everywhere else), these issues are gear-grinding – why are these issues still so prevalent in today’s relatively modern world? Surely we’ve come far enough since the fifties to solve them?

When you step back from all-consuming, mega-progressive internet culture and look into the real-life professional world, it still feels like the corporate world is not built for women. Office culture is still mind-bendingly malecentric, and it leaves women in the position of fighting female-specific mental health issues. Sure, most women are working now – but are companies actually doing enough? Are women’s issues dismissed as a part of life? Should companies not accommodate their female workers just as well as their men? Most importantly, why are we hearing so much about mental illness in the workplace?

Are women really more susceptible to mental health issues?

Women are diagnosed as mentally ill more often than men; for all intents and purposes, this would mean that women are more vulnerable to mental health issues – except that statistics like this are rarely ever interpreted accurately. Only 12.1% of men in the United States sought out mental health treatment in 2021 as opposed to 21.4% of women. There is a gender gap in the usage of mental health services, and it perpetuates the stereotype that women are more fragile than their male counterparts. The world will continue to use the prevalence of mental health diagnoses in women as a weapon to undermine their ability unless the tenets of workplace culture are made anew.

In the productivity-manic era of 2023, the idea that all of the responsibility of personal wellbeing is dependent entirely on the individual and not their environment permeates the atmosphere; but how can one learn to make the best of their situation when the situation is, for the most part, fixed? How can women overcome the centuriesold rock of Sisyphus that is the journey to enrichment and financial freedom? Some of the burden surely lies at the feet of the companies and corporations employing them.

So, how can workplaces be better to their women?

A strange side effect of our 21st century uber-productive work culture is the idea that productivity and work hours are in a stable, linear relationship – when in reality, they’re closer to being in a mid-20s on-andoff college situationship. Of course, this isn’t applicable to all types of work, but inflexible work hours aren’t what keep a company running – that’s down to its employees being happy, healthy, and ultimately productive.

Covid-19, in all of its turbulent glory, has started a workplace revolution with its introduction of the flexible work day. So often, women are saddled with additional invisible baggage; looking after children, running households, keeping communities together – why should workplaces make their lives more complicated by adhering to unmoveable customs because “that’s how the world works”?

People can finally be free to conquer the rest of their lives during the day as long as they get their work done productively. For many working women, this flexibility is well-appreciated; communities are flourishing, peace is kept, and houseplants are being watered.

Everyone needs a friend

Entering the workforce as a young woman is intimidating, no matter how you look at it. Subtly misogynistic workplace culture, limited support systems, and a lack of representation isn’t exactly encouraging – but it is entirely solvable. Corporate DEIDiversity, Equity and Inclusion policy comes to mind, as well as the more traditional paths of well-organised HR and health insurance policies that companies and burgeoning entrepreneurs can offer.

A company’s employees are what keep the gears turning; you’d like them to be well-oiled.

Equipping young women (as well as our perennial ladies) with resources to stay afloat and build connections with each other is better for a community’s collective good. If you ask us, it’s a no-brainer.

Leading by example; eliminating misogyny from the top-down.

Too often, we have seen films and media of businessmen in suits as the golden standard of success. The last forty years have shown us a different path; one of successful, flourishing women in business and entrepreneurship. Yet still some industries remain stunted – the abuse of power, ever present in human nature, continues – for whom, exactly, is this better?

Privileged communities and parties in power play an equally important role in the movement against race and sex-based discrimination. When they rise to the occasion, the rock of Sisyphus can be split; the invisible labour that women and POC carry can be shared. As an example, men who are granted paternity leave may ease an invisible workload that others in their lives might be carrying, just as bystanders who call out discrimination when they see it can help eliminate negative influences in the office. Collective effort is singularly the most important factor in a healthy environment, and environments that encourage these efforts are ones that will last.