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Friday, February 23, 2024

Dark Desires That No One Speaks About


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I have been asked by A&A to share some writing with you.
I will call these TJs Truths, as these are just my truths, and ones truths are ever changing as we learn, unlearn and relearn throughout our opening journey called life:
The definition of growth, as I understand it.
My hope is that as you read on, you do so with thoughtfulness and curiosity, inspiring you to question, reflect, and find your own truths within these subjects. 

x Taryn Jade

Dark Desires 

Taryn Jade

Let’s get a little cliche’ for a second.
We all have darkness inside. Simply put, without darkness, we cannot have the light.
Think about life and the world around us, and the purposefulness of darkness.
Darkness creates the shadow, to see depths, shapes, colors, tones and objects…
Only in darkness do we see the moon and stars. The contrast allows their brightness to be seen, and so too, the distance (“space”) between. Likewise, to see dark, there also needs to be light.

Darkness has an important role in the universe. A beautiful one.
Look within our own lives.
Darkness allows an old us to die, and a new us to be born out of the other side of that darkness.
In dark times we withdraw from others to go inward. Coming into ourself.
In darkness, be it strong sadness or loss, we go on a self discovery journey to question and find out what is wrong, to point us to actions, to lead us to what is right, to harmony.
We seek within.
Check in with ourselves, time and time again, shaping and reshaping who we are, who we were and who we are becoming.
Now look within our own bodies. Look at what ‘dis ease’ creates – Disease! 
I have witnessed how when we draw attention to this, miraculously we can heal and repair what we caused to arrive in us, very simply put, by drawing our attention to it, looking deep to find the ‘whys?’.
Now let us look at our desires…
This, for some reason, can be a little more scary, and a little less talked about.
Because we hold in relation to them, secrecy due to judgment, shame and misunderstanding.
We keep many desires locked tightly within, left only to confide in crass pornography sites.
But what if we looked at those “shameful” desires a little more closely and with an open, non-judgmental, mind.
Then we might see what these fantasies underline, exposing what we truly long for. The actual meaning behind the fantasy.
Take some forcefulness fantasies for example, forcefulness, captive, even rape, this ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT mean you desire to be raped. Many clients have confided in me about having this fantasy (with shame & self judgment attached).
But fantasies are not real life. They are within us, and what could be a safer place than to fantasize with yourself.
Us in total control, the narrator, curator, actor, author, and in charge of imagery. Essentially, our minds and the writers, directors and casters, all which we are in complete control and can say cut, or change scene at any time.

When discussing this further with my clients, I found that those who hold these types of fantasies, actually desire to feel complete vulnerability in the bedroom, meaning total trust to allow someone to open them up and please them as they have never experienced before. An “ultimate pleasure in the bedroom and self discovery”. A trust to let go entering their femininity, in receiving, and to be desired and pleasured- not harmed.
They have shown to crave presence, and love spontaneity, edginess and risk taking provides that presence.
They crave strong masculinity as to feel safe in order to carry out their reciprocated full femininity.
Here, absolute trust and connection is the baseline of their fantasy. And to surrender into it. Pleasurably.
The same can be said for submissives craving dominance.
They often seek a very deep trusting relationship to let go of control and be looked after. They often prefer to be taught by someone who knows them and their body and desires so well that they can completely let go, completely trust and totally surrender their body, mind and soul. This surrender can lead to the ultimate pleasure connection, perhaps beyond a level they have never known.
This fantasy is heavily based on being seen, heard and read by the other person so closely and intently.
Tuning into their every sound, look, body movements and using that presence to build on and achieve heightening limits together, working together, providing a very unique sense of closeness, and embarking on a moment to moment pleasure journey. Yin and yang if you will. Masculine and feminine, giving and receiving, to work in harmony. 
It’s a total trust in one another, and of each role.

No fantasy is “wrong”, nor should it be shamed by yourself, or another.
Some fantasies may just want to live on in your head, lived out in your own states of pleasure practices. Others, you may want to experiment with, to be lived out, and as expanded on they may take on their own organic versions, to achieve the underlying principle. For this to happen you need to really own the fantasy. Look at what those deeper desires really are, and communicate it thoroughly with a trusted partner.
Consent, re-consent and safe words are important.
Also, an all-mess understanding is important. To let loose when bodily fluids are involved, mess should be welcomed. Many women would not have squirted had they not been able to let go and surrender into that peeing sensation they felt building. 
I have found that safety, protection, self exploration, trust, vulnerability, connection, shared empowerment, masculinity, femininity, and self love, are most commonly the underlying answers to ‘’why I have this fantasy about …… so and so etc.’’
Let your dark side come out and play, befriend it, and find someone you trust to talk about it with.
Start talking with your friends, a sex coach, and your sexual partner to perhaps even explore it. Speaking openly and honestly about your desires can build something beyond beautiful, with an admiring strength of who you are and what you seek as an individual with cravings within.
We are all so complex, enjoy the complexity, it’s our right as humans.
Be curious and communicative.
As we see on pornography sites, the list of hidden desires is long (and not so uncommon), we are all just searching within ourselves, for ourselves, amongst a sea of others.
Best to search and explore in a beautiful light working way, our desires shouldn’t have to live underground, pushed deep down guarded by negativity and fear. We all deserve more than that.


Taryn Jade believes that we are all born with strong intuition and all-favorable emotions. When we embrace that, we become our own inner compass, cleverly allowing us to give “the self” what it needs, for ease. Our bodies have the miraculous ability to heal themselves, but this connection to ease is often a lost art caused by a lack of understanding and incomprehension. There is no “one way” or “right way” when it comes to healing. Taryn will guide, teach and support you on a personal development journey that’s unique to you.

SUPER POWER: Revealing I am merely a tool. It’s you who seeks & does the work!

Instagram: @tarynjade_tj
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/healingswithtarynjade/

Made Hot
Made Hot
MEET Anna & Alicia aka The Banksy’s behind good sex. We are business partners, twin sisters in our forties and today, we’re lucky to call each other best friends, too. The heart of Made Hot is “let us teach you to do you and be you”. We spent most of our lives missing out on many of life’s greatest joys and pleasures. Through many discussions and self-exploration, we’ve found that we weren’t the only ones —and that LOTS of humans, like us, are missing out on fulfilling relationships and sex lives. There’s nothing we want more than to help change this for others & is exactly why we created Made Hot. To provide a trusted, go-to resource for all things mental, emotional, physical and sexual wellness. So humans across the world can live their best, most satisfying lives possible- filled with endless amounts of pleasure, joy, confidence and happiness. We are MOTHERS. FRIENDS. DAUGHTERS. SISTERS. and we are on a mission of empowerment. We own our scars. We break down barriers. We step out of our shadows.


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