Do you want to live a sexy life?
Yeah?
I’m not surprised. Who doesn’t?!?
Sexy is the new black.
In the last decade, mass hysteria has been born around sexuality and everything sexy-related. Everyone wants a sexy life, a sexy body, a sexy lover, a sexy Instagram account and even a sexy name.
But how do you get all this sexiness? Where does one buy it? How does one achieve it?
The internet is booming with sex, offering you a daily dose of everything from new porn ideas, new sex toys, new sex tricks, new lingerie brands, sex parties and even sex partners. Sex seems to be just one swipe or click away. And yet with an abundance of all this sex, how come many of us still feel like our lives lack pleasure?
While many sex coaches and Instagram intimacy experts will shove more sex down your throats (pun intended), I have a slightly different approach.
I don’t believe that our state of sexiness is found amongst sex.
Did you know that a state of sexy turn-on does not always need to be sexual in nature? It can be sensual. A state of sexy turn-on can simply be a state of feeling really good. A turn-on to life. And a turned-on life is a sexy life!
Let me break it down for you.
We are so obsessed with our sexuality that we overlook our sensual starvation. We spend much of our time stressing about the big sex-things in life such as having the perfect body, achieving every type of orgasm, healing every sexual trauma, and perfect sexual compatibility with a partner. In the process of chasing the big things, we forget to enjoy the small pleasures of life.
Think of the five senses – eyesight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell. I’ve added a secret sixth one for you here. Keep reading…
We don’t need to have sex to live a sexy life. A sexy life is a sensual life, a life where our senses are nurtured on a daily basis. Tiny pleasure rituals stimulate our six senses and awaken our sexuality.
In my view, sexuality without sensuality is incomplete and often leads to unfulfilling, shallow gratification sex. Sensually starved individuals settle for crumbs in the bedroom. By sensually nurturing yourself, you build a strong relationship with yourself – one based on self-respect, boundaries, pleasure, and high standards. Anyone who possesses these four attributes is sexy as fuck!
Here is a cool thing to remember – sensuality belongs to you and you only. Only you get to decide how you nurture your senses. It need not make sense to others. Sensuality is about how it feels, not what it looks like. While for some people a sensual expression involves lace lingerie and pink bath-bombs for another person it is a kick-boxing class on a Saturday afternoon and a cold plunge after.
What matters is how your senses feel. Follow small moments of good feelings every single day. It need not be complicated. Keep it simple.
Here is even better news – you don’t need anyone to fulfill your sensuality. A nurturing sensual relationship with the self requires just you and your imagination.
Here is a way to get you started:
#1: SENSE OF HEARING:
- When was the last time you felt inspired by a conversation?
- How often do you moan with pleasure?
- How much laughter and positive words are in your daily life?
- When was the last time you listened to a really great podcast?
- Does the music in your car or shower make you want to dance?
- Do conversations with your loved ones feel energizing or do they drain you?
- How present are you during conversations with others?
- How much of your day do you end up listening to other people’s gossip, nagging and complaining?
- When was the last time you listened to your gut?
- What was a meaningful compliment you’ve received or gifted lately?
#2: SENSE OF TASTE:
- If you could suck on one thing right now, what would it be?
- How often do you indulge in your favorite foods?
- What does joy taste like?
- Do you enjoy the taste of your lover’s body?
- Is your food full of processed chemicals or yummy nutrients?
- When you eat desserts, do you fully savor them or does each bite fill you up with guilt?
- What is some bitter medicine you’ve had to take in the last months?
- What makes you salivate with desire?
#3: SENSE OF SEEING:
- What is the first thing you see when you wake up? Is it a pile of laundry or the cute snoozing face of your loved one or your pet?
- Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror?
- When was the last time you went out to a gallery or a museum just for the fuck of it?
- How often do you nurture your eyesight by taking a different route home?
- When was the last time you watched a sunset or sat on a bench in the park?
- How much of the feed on your social media is putting a smile on your face and how much of it is making you feel insecure and envious?
- What is the most beautiful spot in your hometown? How often do you go there?
- If you look around you right now, can you name 10 items of beauty and pleasure?
- What is something you can look at forever?
#4: SENSE OF SMELL:
- Does your perfume make you sneak a little moan each time you spray it on your body?
- How often do you open your windows to let in the fresh air? How often do you take deep breaths?
- When was the last time you stopped by a local bakery to pick up freshly baked bread?
- Can you name your top five favorite scents?
- Is the predominant aroma in your kitchen that of take-out boxes or freshly prepared dishes?
- When was the last time you washed your bed sheets…or your dog?
- What is the one aroma which takes you back to a happy childhood memory?
- If you were a scent, what kind of scent would you be?
#5 SENSE OF TOUCH:
- How does it feel to wear your clothes? Do you feel comfortable and cozy or do your feet hurt and are your panties giving you wedgies?
- Does your lingerie envelop you in comfort or uncomfortable restraint?
- When was the last time you found yourself melting in the embrace of a loved one?
- What gives you emotional comfort when you touch it?
- How often do you hug others and actually mean it?
- What is your favorite thing to touch in your house?
- Where do you yearn to be touched more?
- When was the last time someone touched your heart?
#6 SENSE OF THE HEART:
- When was the last time you laughed so hard your belly hurt?
- What does sexual desire feel like in your body?
- Did you hungrily savor the path to your last orgasm or did you push your body to orgasm faster?
- What makes you tear up with happiness?
- Which moment in the last month do you wish to remember forever?
- Do you ever allow yourself to daydream?
- Do your current relationships nurture you?
- Do you feel your life has meaning?
- Do you feel the freedom to be your true self with people who surround you?
- Do you have a nurturing connection with God/Spirit?
Our relationships, our creativity and even our health all interconnect in the realm of daily sensual being. Sexual desire arises from our sensuality. When we deprive ourselves from daily sensuality, we starve our sexuality.
It is not hard to establish a relationship with our senses by gently nurturing them every day. Our lives need not be expensive to be full of sensual joy. Beauty and sensual nourishment are found in simplicity.
We cannot force sexual energy from ourselves. We can only create the space for it. Instead of pushing for a sexual life, enjoy a life full of sensuality and your sexual energy will flow.
So, I ask you this again – do you want a sexy life?
Yes?
Then invite simple pleasures and beauty into your life.
BIO:
About the Author:
Elena Rossi is a female libido specialist, author of two books, pelvic trauma-release therapist, and sex toy designer. She holds degrees in Business, Psychology and Leadership and has created several successful wellness concepts, including slow-pleasure brand Onna Lifestyle, a holistic clinic and cafe in Bali and her personal coaching brand The Yoni Empire.
Elena’s content reflects her no-bullshit approach to sexual well-being and is followed by thousands of women all over the world. A sensual connoisseur at heart, Elena Rossi inspires and supports women to explore the nourishing power of sexuality infused with purpose and meaning. Find Elena on her Instagram @the_yoni_empire or her website www.theyoniempire.com
