You walk back to your room not-so-lightly buzzed from the three Mai Tai you drank together by the pool. You giggle as you both reach for the room key at the same time and have a moment of pure joy as you play together deciding who will open the door first. His lightly sandy arm brushes yours as he holds the door open for you to enter, sending a wave of pleasure and chills through your entire body. You can’t help but wonder, how did I get so lucky to land this smoke show of a man? Not even halfway through the door he impatiently grabs you and pulls you into the room letting the door shut with a not-so-discreet slam. As he caresses your neck with his lips, he takes in the smell of your coconut sun cream and lets out a light moan. There’s an unshakeable lightness in your step, a brightness in your eyes, a joy in your heart. You let out a satisfied smile that turns into a giggle as you fall back onto your plush, soft bed. And then it happens – he’s on top of you, licking every last piece of ocean salt off your sun-kissed body. What transpires next may have been minutes, may have been hours – but one thing is for certain: THIS is the best sex you’ve ever had.
Vacation sex is so well known to be more passionate, frequent, and intense than at-home sex that it’s become its category. Often couples can find themselves thinking the only way to access these states of pleasure is by dropping thousands of dollars on an annual vacation. And while this can be a solution – who wants to only have epic sex once a year?
Today we’ll dive into the top 3 reasons vacation sex is better than regular sex, and how to bring it back home.
- Stress Reduction
The biggest enemy of our libido is stress. When our cortisol spikes due to an angry boss, miscommunication around the kids, or getting cut off in traffic – our hormones take a hit. And while we might be aware of this influence on estrogen; our testosterone-dominant counterparts are just as susceptible. Stress puts us on edge, making us less patient and communicative with our partners. Stress also activates our Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn response – setting up for battle or running away from a predator are not exactly the best energies with which to begin an intimate connection!
When on vacation, most (if not all) of these energies are released. We have a relaxed schedule, no boss or angry drivers to worry about, we don’t need to grab groceries, and generally speaking, are in a much more relaxed and enjoyable state. This decreases cortisol and brings us into the parasympathetic nervous system; where we can rest, digest, and enjoy life’s pleasures.
How to bring more relaxation into your day-to-day
Schedule pre-connection timeouts for yourself when you know you’ll be connecting with your partner. If you always share dinner, for example, or have a scheduled date night – make sure to somatically release the energy of the day before you connect with them. Meditation, somatic shaking, rage dancing, and self-pleasure sessions are great ways to move energy through the body and release any cortisol that may have built up during the day.
- Novelty and excitement
While routine is important for day-to-day energy optimization, it is also a gravitational pull that can ease us into a zombie-like slumber if we’re not careful. This can happen in our day-to-day lives as well as in the bedroom (you know those times when you do the same three positions, in the same order, because you know they work? Yep, that’s what we’re talking about here). It has its benefits, but can also lead to a state of boredom and lack of enthusiasm – not exactly our sexiest traits!
When we’re on vacation we’re learning, growing, and exploring together. We’re exposing ourselves to new connections, new languages, new foods, and maybe even some new dance moves! This novelty-seeking breathes fresh life into us as individuals, making us more open to trying new things. This can have the effect of making us more bold and willing to act upon our attractions. And, learning new things together has been scientifically proven to strengthen relationships!
How to create novelty in your regular life
Try something new! When was the last time you did something new and adventurous with your partner? Better yet – when was the last time you went on a legitimate, full-fledged date at all? Take this as your sign to get back into the dating phase of your relationship, and make sure those dates are fun, exciting, and embodied. Try a paint and sip, a new dance class, a hike somewhere romantic, a fun boat ride, or something else that will get you out of your heads and into your bodies – together.
- Uninterrupted Quality Time Together
How much quality time do you spend with your partner regularly? And no, quality time does not mean sitting next to each other silently while watching the latest episode of Black Mirror. I’m talking about full presence, enjoying each other’s company. When we first start dating we’re so enamored with the human in front of us that we can’t HELP but spend quality time with them. As we become more familiar, and regular life kicks up, this interest in each other tends to decrease.
On vacation, we can’t help but spend time together! We have fewer distractions and often are engaging in fun activities together. We are spending dinner talking to each other instead of listening to the news, we are learning the salsa or taking a cooking class together. The combination of novelty and uninterrupted connection time is a sure-fire mixture for intimacy, bonding, and epic sex.
How to bring in Quality Time together
Outside of scheduling dates, like above, start bringing more presence into the times that you DO connect. Make mealtimes opportunities to engage with each other instead of numbing out while watching TV. Take an extra five minutes before you get out of bed each morning to snuggle and tell your partner you appreciate them. Turn routine chores like grocery shopping or laundry into opportunities to connect instead of just a task that needs to be done. Get creative and bring presence into as many of your routine tasks as possible!
It’s no doubt that vacations create the perfect cocktail of relaxation, novelty, and quality time required to light your libido on fire! While scientific research sheds light on the hormonal and physiological factors affected by stress, it’s the moments of connection, vulnerability, and pure enjoyment that truly make vacation sex an enticing prospect. So, the next time you plan a getaway, remember to leave some room for romance! And, when you’re in between your annual escapes, remember that you have the power to create fun new experiences, reduce stress, and engage in quality connection every single moment of the day. Pleasure is a choice my friends – is it what you will choose?
Stephanie Jaie is an elite matchmaker, pleasure advocate, and sexuality expert covering all topics related to the energetics, mindset, and social conditioning around our pleasure. If you’re looking to learn more about unleashing your true pleasure potential in every facet of your life, check out her website at www.StephanieJaie.com